Peace
by tenchileed
Summary: TK thinks about his life, and decides to do what he has to. mention of daikeru. fatal depression


Disclaimer: Until I'm given Digimon as a birthday present, I don't own it. Oh well, live in hope.

I wrote this story quite quickly, and I know its quite rubbish, but the feelings I've written about are very familiar to me. I used TK because he seemed to be the one most unlikely ever to actually go through it all. Maybe that doesn't make any sense to anyone else, but to me it does.

I wrote this for myself, mostly to get the end bit sorted in my mind. I've posted it mainly because I've got another story on here that I'm currently working on. If you want to review it after reading it, feel free to. I'm not forcing you.

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Takeru set the glass down on the table, and threw the empty box in the bin. He sat back, waiting for the pills to take effect and take away the headache that had been plaguing him for so long. Giving him no peace.

His mind wandered aimlessly, thinking about anything, thinking about everything, thinking about nothing.

What he wanted was simple: a moment of peace.

Fleetingly, he thought about his brother, Yamato, his role model and idol for most of his life. 

He'd seen again and again, the sad look of disappointment in his nii-chan's face when Yamato thought he couldn't see. But he did see, and it hurt.

His father seemed to share in Yamato's feelings. His otousan's eyes looked heavy and sullen whenever Takeru was around, and seemed to view him with a silent scorn that was deafening.

At least his mother had been straight with him. She'd told she never wanted to see him again; he disgusted her. It had upset him, but at least he knew where he stood. He respected her for that.

He wasn't who they wanted him to be. He knew that was the problem. He'd tried, so very hard he'd tried. But he couldn't be that person. He had to be himself; he didn't know how to be anything else. 

He had prayed, and wished for it to be enough. For the peace it would give him. 

No answer.

Takeru was tired. He'd gone through so much in his life. 

His parent's divorce had been hard. Crying himself to sleep every night. Blaming himself for what he knew deep down wasn't his fault, but not being able to help it. If it hadn't been for Yamato, well, who knows what would have happened. 

Every day at school was an ordeal, he knew he wasn't the brightest of students, and the stigma attached to his sexuality left him practically an outcast. He had no peace.

His friends still talked to him now and then and sometimes included him in their plans, but it wasn't the same as before. Anyone with eyes could see that.

Nothing was the same as it was. Nothing would ever be the same as it used to be. 

Only Daisuke gave anything a semblance of normality. 

Daisuke flashed into his mind. The sweet, generous goggle-head who'd sat holding him one night as Takeru broke down and confessed how he liked guys, not girls. The kind, affectionate redhead who'd cupped his face with soft hands and whispered reassuring words and kissed him tenderly. The cute, adorable friend, who became his boyfriend late on that October evening.

A brief smile touched his face as he thought of his koibito. The Daisuke who made him feel wanted, loved. The Daisuke who made him laugh when he was feeling down. The Daisuke who'd been there for him when it seemed no one else was. When no one else wanted to be. 

The way he felt when Daisuke was around, he supposed it was almost blissful happiness. Almost. He'd found himself thinking that when Daisuke was with him, it could be enough. He almost knew peace.

Almost.

But not quite.

His experience in the digital world had taught him a great deal. But most importantly, Takeru had come to realise, was the determination he'd learned, and the hope he possessed.

He needed both right now. Desperately. To give him peace.

He was getting very sleepy now. He had to do it soon.

He couldn't go on like this. It wasn't fair on anyone. Daisuke kept asking what was wrong, but he couldn't say it. Didn't know how he could. All he knew was that he wasn't making his boyfriend as happy as the redhead should be. Deserved to be. 

Daisuke would be much better off with someone else; he could see that. Someone who would treat him right, and make him feel as special as really was. 

Takeru had decided that tonight would be the night that he would set everything right. Everyone would get what he wanted and needed. Takeru would finally get the peace he needed.

Growing up he'd been so scared of getting older. As he got older, he was afraid of dying. Sat thinking now, he feared neither.

Not any more.

It had been a week since he'd made this decision, and now the time had come, he felt calm. It was the only thing he could do to make everything right, and he was relieved.

Daisuke would be here in less than an hour. Yamato was coming round later. He'd asked them to. 

He knew he wasn't going to be able to say the words, so he'd written letters. The named envelopes were propped on the table in front of him, one for Dai; one for Yamato; one for dad; one for mum.

He slowly rose to his feet. The drowsiness trying to overwhelm him, but he fought it as he walked into his bedroom. Everything had been set up.

He closed the door gently, and picked the knife up from his dressing table. Crossing back to the door, he pulled the loop of rope, which was attached to the coat-hook, over his head. 

Taking a deep breath to steady himself, he raised the knife in his right hand and touched it to his left arm. With one firm motion, he drove the knife deep and drew it from his wrist to his elbow. The cascade of blood was immediate.

Barely registering the pain, he switched the knife into his left hand and quickly repeated the process with his right arm.

Dropping the knife next to him, he sighed deeply, and slid down the door, causing the rope around his neck to tighten and dig into his neck.

All through his life, it seemed he could never do anything right. But he was determined this would not be one of them. He hoped it wouldn't be.

The pills he'd taken blocked most of the pain, and the blood loss combined with the lack of oxygen made him light-headed.

With all that he'd gone through, he'd experienced every feeling and every emotion it was possible to feel. 

Except one.

Now, as the life seeped out of his body, and his mind embraced the darkness, Takeru finally experienced that which he never had before.

He finally knew peace.


End file.
